Cameron's step grandmother died last week and therefore we went to a funeral today. I sat there with a crowd of people that i'd largely not met and had nothing but death and the meaning of life on my mind. i guess that is kinda the point right- death makes us all think, really hard about life, death, purpose etc etc. This little old lady died on the operating table at 89. She took care of her husband who has alztimers (ok i cant spell it and you all know what i'm talking about). The day she died they had to keep telling him that she was dead, he had to live it over and over again. He finally remembers now. The entire viewing he stood by her casket and held her hand. The whole time. Even though i didn't know them i almost cried, it was so sweet, so tender, and so heart wrenching. Eventually everyone we know will die, including us. Everything we have will be gone. The only thing we will leave behind in this world is a memory, an idea of who we used to be. i dont think that idea or memory will ever be complete as no one knows us perfectly (except God and i'm talking about all the mortals living here on this ol' green planet). so my thought was- what kind of memory are we leaving behind? What kind of idea? When others will think of us will their minds go to happy times, to grand images and ideas or will it be only saddness, or worse- nothing. When i die i hope those left behind will think of joy, of laughter but most of all goodness. isn't that what we all want? a little more goodness in this world? i look around at all the pain in the world and think to myself- why? whats the point? i know that i know all the awnsers to this their the gospel. without the knowledge of the God's plan i'd be one pissed and disillisioned kid. But even this that knowledge at times i wonder- Heavenly Father, Why? Why do children have to experiance so much pain? How can you let these little angels come down to horrible parents, or a starving nation, or violence...this list could be endless. So in this cruel world where there is blood, suffering, wailing, and silent tears i think we all just want to have a little more good to counter act the bad. I want to be one of those people that adds goodness. i'm know i'm being repeditive here but i dont know how else to say it. I'm rambling.
Ok, on the reason i got on to write this post- for the funeral i made Jade and Alana black dresses. i know they didn't need to wear black but it was really an oppurtinuty to have some creative expression in the world. I didn't get a pattern- as those suckers are 15 bucks a pop. So i just bought some fabric two zippers and some clasps. i share this because...well i'm flippin' proud of myself. i am not a seamstress, seriously i dont have the patience. but isn't it astounding what we can do with a little time and ambition? i never would have thought i could do this, but i overcame my self doubts and just tried it!!! So here you go! my masterpieces.
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