school has started!!

the end of the summer was a rush. i really wasn't ready for school to start. at all. it feels like it is starting earlier and earlier.  the kids are really excited though. JJ is in second grade with a brand new teacher. she seems super excited and nice. jj has been getting up before us each morning getting all the way ready and essentially tapping her foot until its time to leave. alana has also been excited. she is repeating kindergarten with mrs adamson. i'm so happy about it. when alana did the entire worksheet correct the first day i almost cried. her teacher talked to me for a minute the second and said the same thing. it is so much better for her to do this year again and be in the right acedemic year. she comes home so happy and can communicate so much better. she told me on friday that they were doing drills for fire, earthquake and 'bad kids'.  a little girl was crying in the bathroom when they had to turn off the lights and alana told me that she said 'its going to be ok' and patted her arm. we went to harvey's birthday party that night.  they had a friend dress up as a 'power ranger' and everytime he fell down in play fighting alana would go and help him up- dust him off. she is so tender hearted. she and walker either fight like rabid animals or love each other to pieces. they have moved walker off the floor and now he usually sleeps in alanas bed because they just want to be together. sweet. walker starts school next week. it will be great for him to be in the farm fun school with all those animals. the babies are walking a lot now. they essentially look like drunk people walking around. falling all the time, unsteady. super cute. cameron and i have switched positions with them in regard to parenting styles. cameron was so tender hearted with the older three and i was hard nosed and now he is hard nosed and i am tender. they are getting into everything. and climbing onto everything. william, literally climbed into the bathroom sink the other day. from the floor. he has climbed onto: the table, the top bunk, any couch or chair, most beds, the middle and top floor of the doll house, and into the toilet (in which he got stuck). he pats calvin's back or mine. calvin is starting to climb more too but just as always he starts slower but is steadier when he does start. he watches william fall all the time until he is ready to go for it.  both babies are snugglers and sweet. i am enjoying them so much.
amber and justin came and stayed for a while last week. justin's father died so they came up for a momerial. it was great for them to be here. we really enjoy them. we talked a lot about all the hard things in amber and cameron's family. then the crazy shiz in justin's life. i dont know why i was so lucky to be born into the family i was born into but man am i thankful. its hard for me to have mercy and understanding for the parents of these people i love because i can see how much pain and grief have been caused by their horrid choices.  cameron is really struggling with what to do with his parents. i have no idea how to be supportive in this one because its not my mom. honestly i cant even imagine my mom doing a quarter of the crud cameron's mom has done. our situation is different then amber and justin's because we dont live by them. we have a lot of distance which means that the relationships are different. for amber and justin marla and dale are so toxic that they need a real break from them. for us...i dont know. i would like a real break but i dont know that that is my call. its not  my mom. the toxicity is different for us. jj is getting baptized this year which does mean that cameron and i will have to have a serious talk with marla and dale though. i dont want him as a witness or in the circle when she is confirmed. i dont have good feelings toward him. those are places of honor and i dont want to honor him. wow i sound like a jerk.
life is really really really (how many times can i type really?) crazy town right now. we have no money, cameron hates his job, we are going to rome, and i'm trying to open a yoga studio. sometimes i think i dream way too big without really realizing that its crazy town. cameron's work is sending him to rome in october and i am tagging along. it will be wonderful.
our house is always dirty. there is way too much laundry. someone is always crying. cameron never stops working on something. i never stop battling my feelings of guilt or insecurities. life is not for the faint of heart.