New goal- post once a week

Cameron wants me to do this blog again as a family journal and i think its probably a great idea as well. but usually i dont do my ideas without some push on his part. Generally i feel overwhelmed. The twins came April 24 quite late at night actually.  I went into the drs that day and my bp was through the roof. Dr Allen didn't want to wait any longer so he said 'well it looks like we are having babies today'.  I had time to go home and get stuff together- drop kids off etc. Then we went in shot me up and got me into surgery.  This was one of the best anesthesiologist i've had.  Usually i totally barf when the meds hit but not this time. we joked and laughed during surgery. i was pretty loopy.  When they cut into me there was a sharp intake of breath and Dr Allen said to his assistant- did you see how thin that was?  Apparently my uterine wall was super super thin- like almost to a uterine rupture.  So its good that we were already planning on getting my tubes tied because i couldn't get pregnant again. Then when they pulled the babies out dr allen said 'christie it looks like we were wrong these boys are not identical!' and they sure aren't.  Calvin came out bald skinny and angry. poor thing was being squished the whole time. William came out with a full head of dark hair and fat! So we named the boys Calvin Enoch Robert and William Rhys Clarke.  yes we gave them two middle names. We couldn't decide on names so we had to do two middle names, i mean they will already be 'the twins' why not give em two middle names as well?
The boys went straight into the nicu.  Calvin was on oxygen right away but william wasn't on it for the first few days.  its so lucky that i got the steroid shot before the babies came otherwise we probably would have come home on oxygen. what a nightmare. since the boys were in the nicu they coudln't bring them into me. i was dieing. honestly. they told me that i couldn't come and see the boys until i could walk and they weren't going to let me out of hte bed until the next morning. meaning that i wouldn't get to even see them or hold them or anything until the next day. thankfully a sweet sweet nurse brought the boys in to see me so that i wouldn't have to wait that long. because the boys were so early they couldn't nurse which meant that i had to pump. what a flippin nightmare. honestly whoever invented that torture device hated mothers- hated them! i had to pump every 2 hours for at least 20minutes but generally that meant that i pumped for 45. by the time the boys came out of the nicu i was producing so much milk i could have fed the whole nicu by myself. The hardest day was leaving those sweet boys in the nicu. after 5 days they kicked me out but the boys stayed- calvin for 16 days and william for 14. i would pump at home and then would drive up twice a day to bring them milk and nurse them. it was heartbreaking to see all the little wires all over their little bodies. i didn't feel like they were mine for the first few days because i didn't think i could undress them and look at them or hold them skin to skin. finally i just took their clothes off put em both on my chest and rocked for a while. then i knew they were mine.
William looks like Joel and Calvin looks like my dad so i guess we have both sides of the family representing. honestly if i hadn't seen william right after he came out of me i wouldn't have known he was mine, he looks so different from my other babies. fat from the beginning. such beautiful big cheeks and all that hair! maybe cameron has some mexican blood in him after all. :) Calvin just looked like an angry alien for so long. he is finally getting cheeks and getting fatter. about a month ago i wined them from nursing and now calvin is so much happier. it just didn't matter what i took out of my diet the boys were mad. i took out chocolate, dairy, onions, most veggies...i mean it was awful and to hear their little screams- couldn't do it anymore. so on to soy formula we go and calvin is finally happy. william was usually pretty happy once i got off dairy but what i do with one i'm doing with the other. i really miss nursing. i miss holding them so close- knowing that i was giving them something so important. i try not to feel guilty about it because honestly this is better for them but then i go to the wic office and it has these huge posters about the importance of nursing. sigh. i just wanted my babies happy and gaining weight. william bless his heart is enormous. that kid is a block. calvin on the other hand is just like JJ- skinny skinny skinny. when he cries you can see his 6 pack already.
about two weeks ago we blessed the boys. it was wonderful. cameron gave beautiful blessings. i wish i would have written them down but i was trying to handle the other kids. even with that much family there i still felt that i had to make sure that my older three were good. so here is what i remember
Calvin- charity-go on a mission- get married in the temple- hope- purpose of life and learning and understanding the importance of that and living correctly-
William- peace maker- faith-hope- go on a mission- married in the temple- purpose of life and learning and understanding the importance of that and living correctly
i know pitiful that i dont remember more. but they were beautiful. Cameron didn't cry this time which is amazing. he stood up there for quite a while keeping it together then he was able to bless them. When they blessed calvin my dad had a bottle that they put in his mouth that kept him quiet. but i guess william just looked up at everyone and smiled the whole time. we had so many people come that when everyone came over it was madness. we did it the same weekend that scott knudson got married which meant a lot of my family was already in town. it was so hot! i felt bad for everyone that came over  after sacrament but we just didn't have the space for 60 people in our downstairs.
so mostly we just feed babies, burp babies and try to make sure they dont die. the older kids love these little guys so much. i was worried there would be jealousy on walker's part but there really hasn't been. he LOVES them. he and alana are on the brink of killing them quite often because they want to hold them and love on them so much. on friday walker stacked pillows all over william - almost smothering him- because he wanted him to be comfortable.  JJ has been a great help. at first she really liked helping but now she is starting to complain when we ask her to feed the boys or if she cant get them to be quiet.
onto the older three kids-
JJ plays with friends all the time. she is getting so big. i love to see her personality come out. she is such a smarty pants. always coming up with ways to make money or do 'science' experiments. she sold some paper hats to a neighbor kid the other day for 2 dollars. then she went door to door selling rocks- or she sold paper airplanes. she loves to mix up anything with water to see what happens. she mixes food coloring or cornmeal or baking soda and dirt with water. she makes "habitats" for rolly pollies or slugs or even these little plastic balls she found on the road that she is convinced are bird eggs. i cant wait to see what she decides to study in college.  She is so curious about everything. the other day she figured out how to climb a tree with a rope- she had cameron throw the rope over a branch then she used the rope and her feet to get up the tree. amazing. such a smarty. she talks all the time! she just has so much going on in her little head that she talks constantly and she remembers everything. we are starting to have to watch what we say because she will remember. the other day cameron and i were...getting physical...and we forgot to lock the door. suddenly the most frightening sound in the world- the door opening. we startle up and pull up the covers, i'm still on top of cameron and there is JJ standing in the doorway. 'let me guess, you guys are kissing' ahahahaha. thankfully she didn't see anything. she is honestly so smart and so cute- just love that little thing.
Alana. alana. alana. that little thing. she plays almost all the time too but where JJ has become super helpful alana has become even more defiant. she loves to help and feel a part of things which is wonderful but tell that girl no and she does not accept. she steals and sneaks. she locks the door and tells you to go away. when she is helping and being sweet she is a pleasure. she wants to help cook and clean and it is very sweet when she is helping. but ask her to clean her room and she will just sit on the floor all day because she doesn't want to do it. she causes me the most heartburn. inside she is so sweet and just wants to be part of things. its been helpful that her communication is getting better but she still just wont take no as an answer. We have been telling her that she cant play in the water in the bathroom...so often...the other day i was feeding william and listening to calvin scream for about 45mins. when i went upstairs to put the boys to bed i hear the water running the bathroom. the door was locked. i unlocked it. and there sat alana and walker. naked. with their feet in the sink. the water was running full blast- a waterfall onto the floor. they had taken an entire roll of toilet paper and desitigrated it into the sink. meaning that the sink was white, chunky, a sewer system...there was toilet paper on the walls, the mirror, them, the towels. they had flooded the bathroom for so long that it leaked down into the garage. and the sink was completely clogged with toilet paper. i lost it. i mean royally lost it! but was that the last time? oh no no no. nor was it the first time. two day later she and walker were locked in the bathroom again and i got a frantic phone call from cameron because he had just found them flooding the bathroom. or how about today when she took her cup upstairs and filled it with water and was drinking the water with a spoon- spilling it everywhere. then she loves to be naked. loves it. walker i get it- he's two. but alana! i should not have to ask where her clothes are and why she is naked as many times during a day as i currently do. and she changes her underwear everytime she goes to the bathroom- generally she changes all her clothes as well- which means all the underwear is used in about three days. but i guess i should be happy she is going to the bathroom since for about a month she was peeing in the front yard- since lexi (a neighbor girl) told her to;.....i mean the front yard?
on to walker. the kid is obsessed with spiderman. in a big way. he has spiderman underwear, shoes, hats, jackets, sunglasses, sheets, blanket, pillow, socks and shirts. oh and dont forget the spiderman costume that he wore to death so we had to get another one the next size up so that he could keep wearing it. one guess as to what he is being for halloween. he says 'i'm spiderman! i'm peter parker!' we've let him watch the first spiderman movie- perhaps its too violent for a little guy but he just loves it so much. its incredibly cute. he and cameron are best buds. cam loves to take him to home depot because well the girls hate home depot and walker loves it. they play 'spiderman' together where walker is spiderman and cameron is the 'lizard' and they fight each other. mostly he is delightful. but there are times when he is a brat! he has gotten so whiney and just flips out if he doesn't get what he wants. he will jump up and down screaming. usually because he wants his sippy, to watch a show , play with jens (his best friend across the street), or not go to sleep. he hates going to sleep! in the mornings though he loves to get into bed with us and snuggle back to sleep. with his little feet stuck in our clothes and his hand on your face...its sweet. he is so much more aggressive then the girls- throwing himself off of the couch or jumping from stairs. he loves to fight and play with cars. we cant get away from the fact that he does have older sister though. he wants to get his fingernails painted and go on 'daddy daughter dates'. but the best is when he puts on the girls dress ups. the high heels or the princess dresses. its so funny. he has no idea the difference between girls and boys clothing and he just wants to have fun with this sisters. he does understand the difference between their bodies though. the other day he was in the shower with cameron and said 'daddy, you have a peeni- just like me- your peeni is big. mine is small' another time he looked in his underwear and said 'mom! my peeni is big!' he was so excited that it was bigger then a while later when his body had calmed down a bit he goes 'my peeni is small again' hahaha. cant help but laugh at a child's innocence and how much more aware he is of his body then the girls are of theirs. oh and boat is a moat...he and cameron find them all the time and point them out to each other- yes cameron says 'moat' as well.
ok its late, i have to go to bed, that is the first update.
here are pictures from the last few months...not in order but pictures nontheless

back again

after a long long break i'm back. i dont know how long i'm be able to keep up blogging but i really need to keep a journal of some kind. i dont have time to catch up on everything i didn't write about so i'm not even going to try. just like repentance we are going to start fresh with a clean slate- looking forward instead of backward.
so lets see how everyone is doing right now...starting with the oldest
Jadynne- she is six- holy flippin crap. she started violin lessons two days ago and loved it. her teacher said she was picking it up quick. great. it would be fabulous if she was good at music it will serve her so well and lets be honest i've always wanted to be good at it. i'll live threw her :) she is doing really well learning to read and is a wiz at math. she loves school. personally her teacher drives me mad. honestly how does the woman have that high of a voice ALL THE TIME. i feel like she and the chipmunks are related somehow. also i dont feel like they are challanging her at all. it is kindergarden i need to calm it down. but jj is pretty helpful most of the time. she has quite a temper and can be a sneaky little thing. its going to be terrible when she is a terrible because she will be smarter than me and will sneak everything. i wont even know. she is already obsessed with boys. its terrible. last year she kissed a little boy on the cheek and his mother called me to let me know. what do you say to that- uh sorry? she already slams doors and yells that she hates me. so it can only get better.
Alana- sweet little tornado. she is the most sensative and emotional little creature ever. she loves to help me in the kitchen. LOVES it. or fold clothes. she is sweet. i need to be better about letting her help me. i jsut get focused on getting things done as fast as i can but i need to calm down and let her help. she soaks up the praise like a sponge. her pre school is awesome. lets be honest it has a kangaroo. and any pre school with a kangaroo is awesome. i worried about her with the other kids because she has a hard time calming down but she is doing great socially. her teacher suggested she not go to kindergarden next year. i'm looking into doing a transitional kindergarden. she is super smart- she just has a disconnect it seems with remembering colors and letters etc. i hate for this to be hard for her but the sooner we can figure out what is going on the better. she is our hardest kid right now. she just gets so revved up and cant seem to calm down. and if you dont do what she wants the spirl just escalates. she is easier for me than for cameron. because i think he is ruled more by his head and less by his heart. i get the emotional outbursts. that is how she is trying to communicate. not that i dont get frustrated. i do. sometimes she just does things that dont make sense. i picked her up from preschool today. as we are getting in the car she says 'i have to go potty' then squats fully clothed mind you and pees--right by the car. no attempt to go back into the preschool or hold it until we get home. nothing. then we are in the car driving home and for no reason she hits walker and spits on him. really! she just does things i dont get sometimes. but she is the friendliest soul you've ever met. she loves everyone. she is going to be our singer for sure. she sings all day - making up songs.  she is so cute.  i really really love alana. i just need to figure out how to help her with impluse control i guess.
walker- sweetest boy...now in the terrible twos! he is obssessed with spiderman right now. he has a spiderman costume that he wears everyday. and night if we let him. its hilarious. we will watch spiderman and the whole movie he will say 'thats me! thats me! i'm spiderman! i'm flying!' he is doing really well with potty training. he caught onto peeing really quick but pooping was a whole other matter. he would just poop on the floor and then mess with it with his toys. first it was his tools- the measureing stick and clamp...then it was...oh i cant even remember now. but i just threw whatever had poop on it away. silly boy. but as of the last two days he hasn't pooped anywhere but in the toilet. he is pretty excited to be such a big boy! he and cameron are buddies. cameorn loves to have him around. and walker just sits and plays with his tools or helps cameron shovel off the driveway. sweet. the next big goal with walker is to get him to sleep all night in his OWN  bed. he will go to sleep in his own bed but most nights he rolls out of bed.  but every night he climbs into bed with us. he doesn't just want to sleep with us he want to sleep ON us. its pretty funny. when i get home from work cameron is on about a foot of the bed and walker in plastered to his back taking up more room then cam. walker is a sweet boy though, he loves to kiss and snuggle. he loves hugs and obeys better than both girls.
so onto us parents. cameron is still with the skin. he is in....i have no idea what its called. quality? regardless he hates it. so much. they dont pay him enough of course and really he needs a new job. he was going to apply for grad school but that is kinda on hold for a min. he has been back and forth on a beard for the last two years. it can grow like crazy. he is a burly man with that beard. i love it! he's as handsome as ever. and loves to have a house to work on. there are always a million projects he is in the middle of. love that guy
and me...well i'm pregnant with twin boys. so that should be fun. they were supposed to be born in june but yesterday we found out that they are sharing a placenta so they will take the babies between 32-36 weeks. so april. awesome. i'm very nervous about this. very. we got rid of all our baby stuff because while i was back in school i thought we were done for about 5 years. then i thought well we really need one more...God said nope you need two more. i'm worried we wont have all the things we need or the space. but mostly i'm worried i wont be able to take care of two newborns properly. how will i nurse them both?!? i feel kind of cheated at the same time because i wont be able to snuggle the babies the same way i would if they came by themselves. i worry about dividing my attention between them. i mean i'm already dividing attention with three older kids. then with twins you want to make sure that you dont compare them too much or force them to be the same. they are two individuals but it seems so easy to just treat them as a block. i'm trying to have faith that God knew what he was doing in trusting me with this. i'm dont feel like a good enough mom for this challange. honestly i generally feel like i'm failing with the three i already have. this seems to be exsarbated lately because i've been working graves. starting next week my schedule will be from 10-2 so that is better. the last little bit it has been 11-4 and i'm just so tired during the day. that isn't going to get better when the twins come. ahh i hope i can do this. i dont really have a choice.
well that is the news from wobegone.  busy busy busy