back again

after a long long break i'm back. i dont know how long i'm be able to keep up blogging but i really need to keep a journal of some kind. i dont have time to catch up on everything i didn't write about so i'm not even going to try. just like repentance we are going to start fresh with a clean slate- looking forward instead of backward.
so lets see how everyone is doing right now...starting with the oldest
Jadynne- she is six- holy flippin crap. she started violin lessons two days ago and loved it. her teacher said she was picking it up quick. great. it would be fabulous if she was good at music it will serve her so well and lets be honest i've always wanted to be good at it. i'll live threw her :) she is doing really well learning to read and is a wiz at math. she loves school. personally her teacher drives me mad. honestly how does the woman have that high of a voice ALL THE TIME. i feel like she and the chipmunks are related somehow. also i dont feel like they are challanging her at all. it is kindergarden i need to calm it down. but jj is pretty helpful most of the time. she has quite a temper and can be a sneaky little thing. its going to be terrible when she is a terrible because she will be smarter than me and will sneak everything. i wont even know. she is already obsessed with boys. its terrible. last year she kissed a little boy on the cheek and his mother called me to let me know. what do you say to that- uh sorry? she already slams doors and yells that she hates me. so it can only get better.
Alana- sweet little tornado. she is the most sensative and emotional little creature ever. she loves to help me in the kitchen. LOVES it. or fold clothes. she is sweet. i need to be better about letting her help me. i jsut get focused on getting things done as fast as i can but i need to calm down and let her help. she soaks up the praise like a sponge. her pre school is awesome. lets be honest it has a kangaroo. and any pre school with a kangaroo is awesome. i worried about her with the other kids because she has a hard time calming down but she is doing great socially. her teacher suggested she not go to kindergarden next year. i'm looking into doing a transitional kindergarden. she is super smart- she just has a disconnect it seems with remembering colors and letters etc. i hate for this to be hard for her but the sooner we can figure out what is going on the better. she is our hardest kid right now. she just gets so revved up and cant seem to calm down. and if you dont do what she wants the spirl just escalates. she is easier for me than for cameron. because i think he is ruled more by his head and less by his heart. i get the emotional outbursts. that is how she is trying to communicate. not that i dont get frustrated. i do. sometimes she just does things that dont make sense. i picked her up from preschool today. as we are getting in the car she says 'i have to go potty' then squats fully clothed mind you and pees--right by the car. no attempt to go back into the preschool or hold it until we get home. nothing. then we are in the car driving home and for no reason she hits walker and spits on him. really! she just does things i dont get sometimes. but she is the friendliest soul you've ever met. she loves everyone. she is going to be our singer for sure. she sings all day - making up songs.  she is so cute.  i really really love alana. i just need to figure out how to help her with impluse control i guess.
walker- sweetest boy...now in the terrible twos! he is obssessed with spiderman right now. he has a spiderman costume that he wears everyday. and night if we let him. its hilarious. we will watch spiderman and the whole movie he will say 'thats me! thats me! i'm spiderman! i'm flying!' he is doing really well with potty training. he caught onto peeing really quick but pooping was a whole other matter. he would just poop on the floor and then mess with it with his toys. first it was his tools- the measureing stick and clamp...then it was...oh i cant even remember now. but i just threw whatever had poop on it away. silly boy. but as of the last two days he hasn't pooped anywhere but in the toilet. he is pretty excited to be such a big boy! he and cameron are buddies. cameorn loves to have him around. and walker just sits and plays with his tools or helps cameron shovel off the driveway. sweet. the next big goal with walker is to get him to sleep all night in his OWN  bed. he will go to sleep in his own bed but most nights he rolls out of bed.  but every night he climbs into bed with us. he doesn't just want to sleep with us he want to sleep ON us. its pretty funny. when i get home from work cameron is on about a foot of the bed and walker in plastered to his back taking up more room then cam. walker is a sweet boy though, he loves to kiss and snuggle. he loves hugs and obeys better than both girls.
so onto us parents. cameron is still with the skin. he is in....i have no idea what its called. quality? regardless he hates it. so much. they dont pay him enough of course and really he needs a new job. he was going to apply for grad school but that is kinda on hold for a min. he has been back and forth on a beard for the last two years. it can grow like crazy. he is a burly man with that beard. i love it! he's as handsome as ever. and loves to have a house to work on. there are always a million projects he is in the middle of. love that guy
and me...well i'm pregnant with twin boys. so that should be fun. they were supposed to be born in june but yesterday we found out that they are sharing a placenta so they will take the babies between 32-36 weeks. so april. awesome. i'm very nervous about this. very. we got rid of all our baby stuff because while i was back in school i thought we were done for about 5 years. then i thought well we really need one more...God said nope you need two more. i'm worried we wont have all the things we need or the space. but mostly i'm worried i wont be able to take care of two newborns properly. how will i nurse them both?!? i feel kind of cheated at the same time because i wont be able to snuggle the babies the same way i would if they came by themselves. i worry about dividing my attention between them. i mean i'm already dividing attention with three older kids. then with twins you want to make sure that you dont compare them too much or force them to be the same. they are two individuals but it seems so easy to just treat them as a block. i'm trying to have faith that God knew what he was doing in trusting me with this. i'm dont feel like a good enough mom for this challange. honestly i generally feel like i'm failing with the three i already have. this seems to be exsarbated lately because i've been working graves. starting next week my schedule will be from 10-2 so that is better. the last little bit it has been 11-4 and i'm just so tired during the day. that isn't going to get better when the twins come. ahh i hope i can do this. i dont really have a choice.
well that is the news from wobegone.  busy busy busy