divorce and tempature

So, yesterday I found out that a couple we know is getting a divorce. This is the second couple I've know personally to get a divorce in the last three months. Wow. I am rattled and i've been trying to think why. I know that divorce happens all the time, i know that couples call it quits everyday so why am i so emotionally torn up abuot this right now? There have been only two people in my whole family to get a divorce, that is aunts and uncles included on both sides...one on each side actually. Anyway, the point is, i'm not personally close to a lot of divorce. Marriage to me has always seemed like a concrete bubble. You get married and that is it, no ifs ands or buts about it, you are married until one of you dies. The only exception is abuse and affairs...thats how i've looked at it. now, my little concrete bubble has transformed into a soap bubble that if blown incorrectly will burst and life will be destroyed. i looked at cameron last night and ijust wanted to hold on to him that much harder. i wanted to do everything i possibly could to make our bubble concrete not soap. so what does this have to do with tempature? well, i love to bake, a pasttime i have greatly neglected due to children. I got some apple's from my sister-in-laws house last week and had to make an apple pie. my sweet mother gave me this cook book that is fabulous and the author is very specific. in order to make this certain pie crust you must use frozen butter and not ever touch it with you hands then leave it in the fridge over night. the next day once the apples are in the pie crust you put it back in your fridge for at least in hour. This way you put in a super cold pie into a super hot oven. seems like a lot of work no? its totally worth it! i mean seriously, this was the best pie crust i've ever eaten, ever, and that includes village in pie, and thanksgiving. usually i have to give half of whatever i make to our neighbors, this time i ate half in one day. And it all has to do with all those stupid little steps about tempature. so heres what i'm thinking, we put all this work into an apple pie- what about our marriages? if you follow a regular cookbook you would never know about the freezer butter and the ziplock bag and finally leaving the stinkin' pie in the fridge for an hour before putting it in the oven that has been preheated for 45mins. then you crust would not be flakey, it would not be-eat half in one day- good. How many of us have followed the simple better homes and garden pink cookbook in marriage? you met the great guy, he had everything checked off on your list, you went to the temple...check, check, check...flour, butter, water. then we're done, put the pie int he oven. how is it coming out? are we finished, is that going to make our bubble concrete forever and ever? i dont think so. i think we have to get really nitty gritty and do really stupid tempature things, we have to do the ziplock bag etc etc. If we put so much time in a pie, a dish that is going to be gone in such a short time, shouldn't we put WAY more into something we want to last forever? am i laying on my concrete every day, over and over, layer after layer so that it never gets worn down into a soap bubble? i know i'm ranting but i need to get this out there, get this down into the great void, to try to write what i'm thinking so that maybe something will sink in and i will always do what i must so that i feel like i do now for my cameron always. i watch a lot of tv, i admit it, its terrible i need to stop, but here ya go. anyway, i always hear these professionals say 'you need to put yourself first' 'you need to be the top of you priority list' and here you go- i know you can crucify me later- i think its BS. i think that you put God first then your marriage. if you are putting your marriage first, both you and your husband than your kids are automattically priority. seriously though, how else are you going to have a relationship with a person who has a totally different background then you? who grew up completely different not to mention they are from another planet? its ludicrious to believe that you only have to follow the simple pink cookbook, you need the 'pie and pastry bible' cookbook. you need the author that is going to tell you how to kneed the dough in the ziplock bag. divorce and tempature, there ya go. i dont want to find out one more person getting a divorce. i want my marriage to be made not of concrete but of diamonds or steel or whatever the heck is the strongest stuff on earth. if i have to put butter in the freezer to do it i will. i love you cameron.

laughing with alana

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2y-8pTXsZ4 go here to watch alana laughing. the blog thing wont let me upload vids here so i opened a youtube account so i can share the funniness.

pics

here are some pics over the last month:

updates

ok, i haven't posted in a while so here is a super fast version of some of the stuff happening around here. Jade is a complete two year old. i understand that she is not acutally two until november but dont tell her that because she has hit her terrible twos. our sweet daughter is quite emotional all the time. she throws herself onto the ground with such passion you would think that life and death were at stake, not a marker...she loves makeup, purses, and walking around in everyone else's shoes. She is learning how to talk more and more. acutally for the most part she still sounds like a mix between russian and clingon. yeah, i gave birth to a trekie. but she is getting some pretty funny phrases down such as "i'm funny", "mama, mama, mama, mama!!! i'm done", mine!, open it, and our new favorite "twinkle twinle mummble mummble star...etc" She sings the song with us, she gets about half the words, it really couldn't be cuter. When she is doing something i dont want her to do i usually count and when i get to about two i ask her if she wants to go in time out. her promt reply quite a few times has been "yes". At which point she goes into time out. wow, she is disciplining herself...or maybe she likes time out?? that isn't good, is she craving attention and therefore is acting out?? Jade also really likes fruit. When i go to the grocery store i put her in the cart and whatever produce i put with her i must know that it will not be intact when i get to the check out. every apple, peach, or tomatoe will have at least one bite in it. This didn't seem like such a big deal until we went to the farmers market. We were walking home when i looked down and she had a peach in her hand, she had eaten about a thrid of it. i hadn't bought her a peach. either had cameorn. either had amber. so where exactly did she get the peach? She theived it while we walked by a cart. our daughter is a thief?!? so funny. those are some Jadie gems.
Alana: i just took her to her four month appt and found out that she is in the 'over 100%' in height, and the 50th for weight and all the way down to the 10th in head size. so funny. She is wearing the same size of clothing right now that jade wore last year at this time...when she was almost one. yeah. when she nurses (when that happens...eating for her is rare) she rubs her head and eyes. Jade always kind of held onto me, not alana, she rubs her head. it is so cute. She has a lot more hair than jade did. it is kind of redish blonde. she can roll over both ways. She smiles and chats at herself. last sunday i took her into the mother's room to nurse her. there is a full length mirror in there. As i was burping her, she saw herself in the mirror. the squill was bright and ecstatic. She talked to herself and giggled at herself in the mirror for 10 mins. She follows her daddy with her eyes all the time. She loves to look at him and he can always make her smile so big her binkie falls out of her mouth. She doesn't like to nap or eat. it was a red letter day today because i got her to sleep for two hours...because i held her and bounced on the ball for two hours. She drools like you would not believe, i dont believe it and i'm the one with soaked arms and slobber dripping off me. She wants nothing more than to sit up. when we put her in the bouncy chair she just tries to sit up the entire time. my girls are so cute!! hard sometimes but sure cute.
Cameron has started school again. oh the horror. i'm not kidding. we hate school for him. we have been seriously batting around the idea of him quitting work and only going to school. if we had thought about this eariler and actually done it before this semester than he would be done in april. wow wouldn't that be great. anyway, he hates school with all his heart. work isnt' that much better. but in great news we are getting closer to figuring out what we should do after he graduates. he is also doing allergy shots which is great because that means someday he will be able to breath. he is as handsome as ever and works so hard. he is jade's favorite. really he is everyone's. he is a great daddy. a great husb. with all the really hard things he is truly a great guy, aren't i lucky?
my sweet amazing friend Dana gave me a great gift. she bought me a membership to a gym so i could get out and exercise so that is the big thing happenng with me. it has been so nice to exercise, i mean really sweat. isn't dana amazing? yes yes she is. i've been reading quite a bit and have lots of thoughts about those things. i think though those will have to come in later posts because this is long (lets be honest i'm not short winded) i did have a great experiance yesterday morning that i'd like to share. when i was about 19 i had this dream where i was laying in bed and two curly haired little girls were laying on either side of me. that was my whole dream. i remember how much hope that dream gave me, how it made me want to better to deserve those little girls. my dream happened yesterday. alana was asleep next to me and jade was watching a show on cam's phone. i felt such peace, and fulfillment with those little warm bodies next to me. my girls, my babies. this is what is important in life, our families. i think that the world outside is so loud and persasive that we forget how prescious our families are. what could be more important then these children? nothing. anyway, for that moment i felt complete. i think that is what mothers live for- those moments- those moments of joy and fulfillment. they do not come everyday or even everyweek, but come they do and they make all the crying, bouncing and poop worth it.
we've had Amber cameron's sister visiting us for the past couple of weeks so that has been wonderful. it has been so nice to get close to her and get to know her better.
so that is what has been going on with our family, i'll post pics tomorrow. maybe, if i get to it. ;o)